New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Randomize
