Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
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