apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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