so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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