I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
