you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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