Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My legs feel like baby dolphins
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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