You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Randomize
