i just wanna soil my oats bro
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
