just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
