When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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