Don't you send me to vm
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
