I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
