she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
