So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize