you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
