Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
