Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
