you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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