ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize