Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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