woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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