haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
