Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
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All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
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Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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