Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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