Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
