i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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