im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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