Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
