i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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