She's never allowed to turn 21 again
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
