I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He better not be in your backpack
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
