the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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