oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
