i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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