That's intense
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
