Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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