It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
