I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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