i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
