everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
