The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
