the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
