just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
