It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
