I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
