Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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