Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
