What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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