I want to make a zoo with you.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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