Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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