Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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