we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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