Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
