WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
