I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
