I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
