sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
