I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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