It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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