I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
