I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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