Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
