Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
