I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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