It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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