So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
