During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
