Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
