Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
