I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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