Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
