Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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