hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
