if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
