But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We had to coat check the pizza.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
