Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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