It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
