I need to stop coming to work sober
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I need to wash the frat house off of me
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
