I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
