my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
