You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
