Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
