Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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